Never again.

Never again.
Never again.
Never again.
Never again, would i be the girl crying out for you at the other end of the phone,
Neither would i ever try to change me.
Change me so that my picture can fit your frame.
I got so lost in it, so confused.
I fell so in-love.
Fell so hard for you that i smashed my face on the concrete when I landed.
Got up and looked in the mirror and I couldn't recognise the person staring back.
Never again.
I hope you're happy. I sincerely and honestly wish you are.
I care not enough about you to wish you dead. Your existence is as significant as a speck of dust.
All I had you took.
All I was, you changed.
All I did you ignored.
All my love, all my fighting, all my sacrifices all of it...
Gone.
None of it was worthy of your time.
This would happen,
Never again.
Thank you for hating me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I even have greater gratitude to express, thank you from the bottom of my heart
For pretending to love me.
Thank you because;
Without you, I wouldn't be numb.
I wouldn't be immune to loving.
I wouldn't be filled with so much disregard for affection.
I wouldn't be sitting here in the dark expressing my gratitude.
Without you, I wouldn't know better.
For all that I did,
For all the ways I lost myself
For all the tears and, the burning sensation in my heart.
For all that I have felt....
I express gratitude. Now I know and realise..
Never again.
Never again.
Never again.

This funny feeling....

This funny feeling i have in my heart
Silence builds an awful wreckage of me

It feeds on loneliness and creates a void

Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture

Stricken and destroyed

On my own, but mostly the savannah,

Where the tumbleweeds fade away and die,

Before the glassy sun burns a summer of crystals,

The glistering waters of the high seas

Of which was so far a place as of where vultures roam.

I looked around but nobody is here...
I always said i’d never care
Diving head first into my misery
There is no sound of laughter here
Go sum place else if you want happiness

You wont find any here

The little one has thrown in the towel today

Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul

It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in me

In this girl, this child where hollows have bred

A deepening sea of nowhereness consumes

And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,

Leaving nothing considered worthy remains

Destined to walk through life less ordinary

Alone, exiled, different and disdained

This funny feeling....

RANT

I dont write about my personal feelings, but tonight i cant resist. I am MAD!!!! There i said it, and i dont care who sees this!. Punching someone would feel very nice right now, a slap maybe? Yes please. Everything is going wrong.
I have tried, and tried and tried and tried and worked, and slaved over everything, and still nothing. Yes, no results for my hard wrok, my time and dedication. My fanatical attitude towards turning making sure my work is perfect, my time spent is not wasted, my relationship with people are not tainted, my attitude is not problematic. WASTE OF SWEAT!.
Today, i shall rant like a mad raving bitch. i've had enough for one day, wait did i say one day?! Lets make it a month. Yes, i'm going 2 scream like a flipping banshee.

BLOODY RANT! ah.

Its called a break-up because its B.R.O.K.EN

"Disclaimer" :::Blogger may drift into a rant, as i am highly irritated at the moment:::

Like a bull let loose in a China shop, everything comes crashing down. Smashed and crushed into smithereens beyond repair, just like the state of your heart after a break-up.
I'm not here to point fingers and place blame of this nature- He cant put he's d**k in one place, she's a liar, he's controlling, we drifted apart, you never listen to what i have to say, she stopped loving me, i hate he's friends...if we start on this, we wouldnt be finished by tomorrow.Trust.


Neither am i going to tell you that there's a way to fix things or get over it. Fix what? Its broken, yes indeedy your heart actually snapped into two, and no the crazy glue i have left cannot fix that broken heart of yours. So is making an effort to get over it even worse.
No i'm not crazy, hear me out.
Conscious efforts to prove you're ok and 'happy', are LAME. You deceive nobody but yourself. All i am sure of is this...time would fix whatever broke, replace what was lost, fulfill the emptiness, heal the gapping pain in your chest, 'turn your frown upside down' (i could resist that last cheesy line.)
You only cause more wahala for yourself when you hold on, cling and decide to turn a blind eye to a relationship that is already broken. Yes, you've done it before and just might do it again. Im your opinion its all you can do to make sure your relationship is 'long term'. *sigh* Smack yourself across the face and wake up.

Dear Jennifer,

You're now 40 and semi-single. Most of your friends are married with kids, (which is not the main point i am trying to stress here). I'm not going to pretend like i know what it feels like to be 40..hell i'm not even 20 yet. But you cling to a man..xcuse me, a boy! That lacks maturity, sensitivity(someone that blogs about why he left you *BARF!*) and above all awareness. Your body language says it all, you hold on to he's hand with all your might, your mouth is curled in a fake distant smile. As if you have something to prove or justify. When its broken, its broken. And its time to go.

When we keep going back, and back and back and back and back and back and BACK! to a relationship that has already ended, it falls nicely into our list of habits and the damage we cause to ourselves become everyday nature. I dont understand it cause, if you're phone got messed up, you'll exchange it for another one, if your laptop kept shutting down on you, you'll throw that shit away, if you follow a path that leads to a bumpy lane, tomorrow you'll do a 180 and take another route, if someone keeps making empty promises we learn that trust is not an option when it comes to them. So why do we keep diving head first into a relationship with someone that keeps messing up, shuts down instead of paying attention, take your emotional stability for a bumpy ride and takes your trust as a joke.

Common sense darlings.
When its over its over.x.

Simply because everyone on facebook is doing it....25 Random things bout me, OH! i tell a lie 38 random things actually

1. Once upon a time, i thought i found the person that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

2. I love my friends. No not acquitances, not party or champagne popping buddies. I MEAN friends...you know those people that can see you laugh and tell you’re falling to pieces inside. Like these crazy biatches here.lol! Ohh i wish i cld put all my friend’s pictures here! *sniff*

3. I have three birth marks on my face, on my chin, above my left eye and on the edge of my lip. My dad also has them, in all the exact places.!!!
4. I talk about couture and fashion with immense detail the way some girls talk about boys.
5. I’m addicted to cereal, i’d eat it in the car, for breakfast, luch, dinner, after school, after a night out.
6. My greatest fear is not finding the remote for the t.v.
7. I’m addicted to washing my hands.
8. I party alot, sumtimes too much. Tee-hee
9. I blog because its the only therapy i allow myself.
10. I dont know how to loose, how to come 2nd place, how to be ordinary, or just ‘ok’. If i’m not the star, i take a walk and never come back.
11. Apparently i know how to cook! Yayy me.
12. When i settle down to cry, i flood the room.
13. I’m a complete goofball, sometimes i know not how to control myself to the extent that, i dont know if my friends are laughing at me or with me.
14. I believe in being truly, madly and deeply in-love with THE ONE you are meant to spend your life with. I admit this with great shame, since i’m not cheesy.
15. I am nothing without God Almighty.
16. I love pink!
17. I am....Muslim, Catholic, Igbo, Ijebu, Arab... *sigh* who’s counting. I simply say i’m a naij babe, so i dont confuse myself...or better still..you!
18. My current ringtone is Kanye’s ‘Heartless’ very random i know.. Hehe.
19. I’ve been wearing heels since i was 9yrs old.
20. I have a chronic weakness for shoes. I’d trade my boyfriend for a pair of Kurt Geiger shoes anyday.
21. I pretend to like alchohol so that people wouldnt have a hard time relating to me.
22. I’ve never been drunk.
23. I have complete disregard for people that do not know me....farmiliarity is NOT by force..LOL.
24. Very few people know the right gifts to give me, as obvious as i am...i’m extremely picky.

25. I’m a poser...I shamefully admit.

26. I have little tolerance for people that- kiss ass, cant stand up for what they believe in, or genrally ditzy girls. I would smack them across the face if battery was legitimate.
27. I gossip. Yes, so do you.
28. I depend on my ipod too much.
29. I intend on living my life exactly the way i want to. Anyone that has an opinion should walk in the opposite direction.
30. I love skool.
31. I love letters! Someone recently wrote me one, and i read it everyday. THANK YOU!.
32. I’m being very honest on this blog because, i am under the impression that people rarely come here, unlike my face book page.
33. I panic when things appear uncertian.
34. Music is the food to my soul, and fashion is my way of life..my culture...the air that i breath.
35. I’m very materialistic. Alexandra McQueen shoes, Birkin purses, Feragamo pumps, ice from Jacob the jeweler, vintage champagne, Chanel clothes stitched to precision, cuban cigars, stretch hummers, diamond dust facials, vitamin water, gucci wedges, diamond encrusted blackberry, priceless vintage pearls, ridiculously expensive cavier ..I’ll take it all, and would hurt anyone that stands in my way of getting it. I dont care if you’re judging me.
36. I have persona, when i’m with my friends my voice is the loudest, my jokes are the funniest, my stories are the best...dare i be more cocky?...lol.
37. I am very fascinated by smokers, i just love to watch them take a drag and blow out the smoke. *WOW* serious magic trick. Can you teach me? Lol.
38. My most cherished item, is a picture of me and my mum. Its was taken when i was 1yr old. *Sniff* Love my mummy!!!

Xoxo.

MUSIC IS THE FOOD TO MY SOUL.....Part 2.

Boys and girls...needs i bore you with lousy introductions?...it however has been TOO LONG!..been doing a little bit of blogging for Toy Inc. But my heart remains here *wink* Now to business.
Silly boys, silly silly boys when would you ever learn? Do not ask me what i know about hip-hop cause i might put you to shame. Take a look at the dude below,...recognize him? i highly doubt it. A moment of silence for the late Shimmy shimmy yam. Ex- member of Wu tang Clan, the voice behind hip-hop classic songs like ' Dirty ol' bastard'. I cant seem to get the lyrics out of my head no matter how offensive they always sound.
Intro- 'Oh fuck you cant even sing'

Gimme the mic so i can take it away
Wu-tang killer bees on a Swarn
Chop that down, pass it all around
Lyrics get down, like quick cement to the ground


Dude got kicked out of Wu-Tang before his untimely death, ego so big the Wu-Tang Clan couldnt deal with him anymore. In the same context..ego so big, he made great music to feed that ego. The number one rapper to officially make dreadlocks cool for hip-hop, no Busta Rhymes you weren't the first.
Moving on.....ICE-T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn, where do i start. I'm not even talking bout the old man's swag or the money. When i refer to gangster rap (by the way not every rap song is straight up gangster) ice-t always, always, always pops into my head. When i'm talking bout people that revolutionalized hip-hop, officially making it a music gendre of its own i'm talking about ice-t. Special reference to albums like 'Rhyme pays' in 1987, 'Power' in 1988 and the all time classic..'The iceberg/freedom of speech....just watch what you say' of 1989. *sigh* i could go on.

These days, it seems he's more popular for being married to his porno- star wife 'coco'. Who's complaining tho. Will you look at the size of those!!!!!... LOL!.

If you're not already drooling over Lady gaga, then i suggest you take a serious reality check. What baffles me tho is that she's been around for almost fiver years, and ya'll are just paying attention to her. Kind of reminds me of Ne-yo and 50- cent, they was probably aorund of three years before the world finally woke up and paid attention. Her breakthrough single 'just dance' was out for almost five months before it topped the charts and SUDDENLY Mtv has this babe's song on every other minute. I dont know what made people pay attention, Is it the seriously bleached platnum blonde hair?, the drag queen inspired sense of style? the cheekiness? I'm guessing its the cheeky lyrics.... ' wish i could shut my playboy mouth'... haha, i cld interpret that line in so many ways!!

A self proclaimed goof ball like me, she puts me to shame. Lady Gaga, takes being naughty to another level. The amazing but outrageous outfits, need i mention again he tlyrics ' i cant remember the name of this club, cause i've had way too much to drink'..ha! More to come from our peroxide hair dyed beauty, who by the way is naturally a brunette.

Yes, our favourite gal pop band since Beyonce discovered she cld make more money by breaking up Destiny's child. The pussy (xcuse my language) cat dolls. The leather wearing, eye liner consuming, hair spray using and over the top posing ladies. Besides nicole, what do the rest do? I'm not trying to hate because i love their new single ' watchu think about that', its the perfect I-Want-To-break-Up-With-You-Song. But really, nicole sings the verse, chorus, bridge...the rest?...err....well. Ok, so melody carries some high note and the other one that always has to have her leg up...but thats it!!! C'mon girls, i'm sure there is some talent behind all that eyeliner and hair spray.

I am Sasha fierce! I am Beyonce.! I am jay-z' iyawo! I am confussed about who i am!...lol...yes B'. you are. I remember getting this album and thinking oh snap, she just sat down and wrote a bunlde of rubbish about how he's in-love with Jay.

Now, i'm eating my words. The album's actually good, or dare i say..pretty amazing! Where do i start? tracks like, DIVA, HALO, HELLO, SMASH INTO YOU....

I am Sasha fierce...argurably the album of the year.x.

And now to put the icing on the cake! Chris breezy assaults Riri..LOL! Stuff like this is wrong on so many levels, first of all she's your girlfriend! why?!! You have officially damaged the amazing the squeaky clean R n' B super star image we had of you. And if you want to warm your fist, next time punch someone who can actually fight back. NOT A GIRL!. But in fairness, rumours have been circulating that she gave him.. *wait-for-IT* ...'HERPES'. Yes, that nasty thing that you get for life. We'll have our fingers crossed, and be waiting till 5th of March when Chris Brown appears before a judge to face assault charges. *sigh*

One Lipstick at a time, we shall analyze, gossip and talk pure nonsense.

Till next time boys and girls.x.

TwHoThAuZaNdAhNdNiNe

HELLLOOOO!!!....gosh i'm so xcited, i promised myslef i'll be cool like..'yeah its 2009, wtever'. But i cant help it, HAPPY NEW YR! Ok b4 i get to carried away lemme apologise.
Saying its been a while since i updated this blog is a serious understatement. I can keep giving xcuses, or we can kiss and make up right here, right now. O.K?, O.K. Moving on then, a couple of plp have asked what calling this blog heart shaped glasses is bout.
Its the world in my eyes. When i say i'm viewing the world through the lenses of heart shaped glasses, it doesnt mean that in my eyes everyone is a unicorn and we have butterflies for breakfast and poop rainbows. Thats all a bunch of bullshit (xcuse my language).
It means making the most of the situations, life is going to pick you up and throw you against the room, everything that can ever go wrong with you would go wrong and thats nothing compared to the way you handle it.
Blive me, all these problems are smallies. Life is too short. God wouldnt give you what you cant handle. Hence, i got my heart shaped stunnaz on, i dunno bout you.


Ok, lets get a little bit of 2008 in our systems, before never looking back again. hehe.


TOY INC!!!!! TOY INC!!!!!!.....
In my honest and unbiased opinion, this t-shirt line played a significant role in 2008. Its original, and very contempray styled t-shirts, courtsey of Temi and Kitoye Balogun are nothing far from the definition of cool.





Yes, yes the Ray Ban wafers. You had them in pink, red, black, white, and if you couldnt afford all the colours you stocked up on sum of that primark s**t.lol.. I am not even laffn with you guys, because wafers DO NOT FIT EVERYBODY!...do you want me to repeat that? If your head is shaped like an egg or a coconut i advise you to steer clear of these shades below. I am using style to tell sum very special plp, next time you shall be cornered and confronted cuz ya'll know i dnt do things quietly. ha!

Unless, you are impossibly cool like Mr. Williams himself. Which i doubt anyone else is. Then inbox me on facebook, so i can let you know what shape your head is...lol..All enquiries are strictly confidential. ;)

DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!!.....2008 the year it became cool, i mean insanely cool to have short hair. Very special thanks to our Barbadian beauty, Riri. She started it out in long-ish layers below, in what i like to call the vair vair early 'umbrella' days. We straightened, curled, dyed, highlighted, wove, sprayed, and even suffered severe scalp damage all in the bid to look like this. A moment of silence to all my sisters that be rocking the rihana haircut.

She probably got tired of all of us imitating her, what was her stylist thinking making it more edgier?? thinking we wouldnt follow suit? Or we havent the balls to cut our hair even shorter? Sorry Ri, you made it even more appealing. Thank YOU! Although now every night we get on our knees and pray to God to make the damn hair grow back! Ya'll know a girl needs a back up plan.

Cough*. This is where Ri made imitating her hairdo a taboo. Pls, pls. Most of us cannot pull of this 70's/80's quiff. lol. The 70's and the 80's were the two decades the world forgot it needed a sense of style to get by. And when it was good, it was GOOD! And when it was bad, it was Sweet mother of God...BAD!... hence the same theory applies to this haircut. If you can pull it off, you CAN do no wrong. However, if you cant......i'm to scared to let you know the doom that awaits you..lol.

Hmm, '08 & finally figured out that Louis Vuitton had superpowers. Super powers doing what? Well, if you are Nigerian then you would fully appreciate the power and 10 minutes sense of control a Louis V. belt, purse or wallet can give you on facebook.

Ifee- Is that mayowa?

Afoma- Ah, ah chill....its her oh. BADDEST!. wiv her l.v belt and the clutch to match.

Ifee- babes be doing big things oh.

Afoma- Ah, i gatz to write on her wall

Ifee- you like wasting time, i'm commenting on the picture

Afoma- ok, handle the picture and i'll take care of her wall.

Ifee- where's my phone sef. Lets call her too.

Nobody shld front on this one, you know ya'll be hoping you become facebook celebrities in 2009. Hopefully, ifee and afoma would notice you.lol.

Speaking of facebook. The facebook pout is a necessity. If you havent learnt it yet, then i feel sorry for you. Nobody would let you in their picture if you cannot pout. lmao. Even bois too.

On your mark, get set...POUT, BABY POUT!....Press your lips every so slightly together, push them out a little bit, now for the final touch squint your eyes. I am warning you, if you gain a repuation for not pouting nobody would be your frnd, You would die a lonely person.lol.

Moving on to more 2008 cliche's. Whats that you say? Don Perrione? Yes? Yes. We know you like a £199 bottle of champagne. Even tho you dunno what exactly Don Perrione stands for. You have not the slightest idea that it came about due to the amazing wine making skills of the 17th century monk Dom Perignon. You cant even tell the difference, between this and a £14 bottle of bubbly. Not to talk of the way the bubbles are actually individually disturbed over the summer, to create your vair expensive chamapgne. But you MUST drink it, by fire by force. Tonight na tonight.lol...
Can i interest you in a bottle of Krug? No? Never bothered to order a bottle, or am speaking another language here. In my opinion, you cannot say vintage champagne better than a bottle of Krug. It doesnt have a particular formula, each year the krug family meet to create another recipe. Leaving it to for 14yrs, before putting it out. Did i hear you say Vintage?.

Now to my fave. The phrase killer heels, has never had a more literal meaning as far as i know. Even i have been forced to sucumb to peer pressure and punish myself in towering 5 inch heels.

You know you cannot walk in them, can you even sit comfortably in them?...Haha, but its a do or die affair.

Nobody said you have to be comfortable, as long as they are fab. thats all that counts. You can sell your soul in the process for all you care. You're out partying, in these oh-so-painful shoes. Your toes are numb, i mean like..you-risk-the-chance-loosing-a-toe kinda numb. The more you dance the higher your chances of finding yourself in the critical condition wing of the nearest hospital. The Doctor is telling you they have to amputate a couple of toes...LMAO.... Yes, its very possible. Till that day, we shall continue to ooze faboulosity. Buy shoes simply because they are cute not comfortable. Walk like penguins on the way back home, and stay bed ridden for the next two days. This we promise our fab. shoes. ;)

The number one culprit that can single handedly give you dizzy spells and imense migraine headaches. Our oh-so-cute headbands. You have them in every colour, in 2008 you vowed to match them everyday to your outfit. You get to class and cant understand a single thing your tutor is saying, the headaches and sore scapls are to blame. But you must be a like Blair Waldorf. Why can she get away with it and you cant. BECAUSE!..in her own skool, they dont learn hence no serious brainstorming is needed. They only strategize on how to kill eachother..haha. So why take off the headband?

Two words- Skinny jeans.. Yes i did infact notice that your surgically attached to you skinnies. You're not? Why i cld hv sworn...never mind. Long, short, damn too tight, red, pink, yellow, blue, grey, green, black, In prada or primark, Armani or H&M?, the skinny jeans are the reason you want to wake up in the morning. No think about it, your life in 2008 revolved around skinnies. To class, down the corner store. Even when they looked a little funny with your vans, you figured out how to pull it off, else the vans go. DEF. NOT THE SKINNIES!.. gasp* that wld be disastrous.

Unfortunatley, sum of us are going to have to kiss it goodbye. What, with the 10 pounds your single-handely gained over xmas dinner?. Lets be painfully realistic here, you shall gain it back by valentine's day. You doubt me? ok.

Its 2009, and you still cant use your iphone. Instead you stay awake strategising on how you are going to add more bling to it and oh maybe take out all the ice and spray it gold...a la' Mr. Pharell Williams. You are not alone.

Yes BOSS!...The 'P' looks heavy on you. Yes, yes, the P'. I am still dying to know what the 'P' means. Anybody? What is heavy about it? am not even tryn to be funny, cuz you know, ya'll be saying it like every 2 sec. yet you dunno what you are saying. Yes its a compliment but, can you honeslty tell me that you can wrap your finger round it.

Special thanks to Boss man himself Naeto c, and the others for making Naij. music cool again.

P.S- check him out in that blazer, i'd tap that ;)

For the last time, HAPPY NEW YEAR!..out with the old and in with the new. Please steer clear of resolutions you cant keep, like no more cigarettes or dropping a whopping 80pounds so that you wld be mistaken for nicole richie. Why punish yourself?

All i can say is, 2008 is very much in the past. Let it go. Focus on counting how many times it took for you too pick your face off the floor, and whether or not you would like to see that happen again. You are who you are, nobody can take that neither can you change that. Hence, all i want o do is be a extremely good at being me...lucy..just that. Too me, it cant get more perfect that this So why waste your time?

Its 2009. New year, & very new beginnings.

Lets do this.

One lipstick at a time.x.